I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
