found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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