i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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