It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Randomize
