I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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