Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
