I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize