god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
