Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
