you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize