At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
