Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Randomize
