I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
