Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
