he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
