i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
