I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
So squirting runs in the family.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
