Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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