I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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