I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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