Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
