Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
