well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
two words: eviction party
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
