the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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