We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Operation Purity has been aborted
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I need to wash the frat house off of me
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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