hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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