dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
