make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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