Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
