apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
