ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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