I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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