just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Randomize
