Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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