oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
