And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
