If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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