You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
