Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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