1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize