she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
