he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
