We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
