"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
In America we eat man semen.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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