So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
