I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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