hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I pour the whiskey from now on
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
