just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
