I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
