Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
