i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
