her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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