Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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