whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
