God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
