I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You brought string cheese to the strip club
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
