just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
