I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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