we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
