Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
