I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
