DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
