I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
